One day, you will experience loss, if you have not already. Though we can be strongly affected by the loss of many things—a pet, marriage, health, friendship, source of financial stability, etc.—intense grief is usually associated with the death of a loved one.

Mental Health America says that “In our hearts, we all know that death is a part of life. In fact, death gives meaning to our existence because it reminds us how precious life is.” However, this thought can’t lessen the devastating impact of losing someone you love. As days roll into nights and nights into days, you will realize that nothing can buffer you from grief. The deeper your relationship with the person, the more intense it may be. You may never really forget, and the pain can linger, if you are suffering from a complicated type of grief.

Even with an aching heart, you know you must continue to live for yourself and for your other loved ones. Will that be possible? Yes: you can recover from complicated grief. If you feel that negativity is fast displacing your hope, do something positive for yourself—seek help from a professional. 

Give Way to Grief

After losing someone, you will grieve. It is a natural reaction, a strong basic emotion, and a universal experience that defines you as a human being. It isn’t a weakness that you must fight. You need it to overcome the pain. In fact, according to the University of Washington, healthy grieving is embedded in human genes, making it “an active process.”

Letting go of your relationship and the routines that you developed with the person you lost can’t happen overnight. It takes time to be able to live with your loss, depending on the intensity of your grief, your relationship with the person, and your ability to accept loss. There is no timetable or expiration date for grief—you will grieve in your own way. It is personal, just like healing. For some people, healing may take a long time.

Grief Is a Highly Personal Experience

Grief is a different experience for different people. Nonetheless, it can be influenced by a number of conditions. For instance, it can be more difficult to accept a loss that happened accidentally or unexpectedly. The feelings one experiences following the loss of an immediate family member or a best friend can be very strong.

When the loss involves a child, there can be complicated feelings of guilt and hopelessness over lost dreams. The grief that comes with losing a spouse or head of the family can also be traumatic, as it may entail financial trouble for the surviving spouse and children. Grief over a spouse is also compounded by the loss of a lifetime of cherished memories.

Regardless of the pain, it will diminish in due time, unless your grief is the complicated type.

The Grief That Never Leaves

Though grief is natural, it is also normal to heal, accept the loss, be able to live with it, and move on. If these processes are taking so long that your life has significantly deteriorated, watch out— you could be dealing with complicated grief that will not go away on its own. Are you feeling overly sad and showing other depressive signs? Are your feelings getting worse by the day? Is the pain persistent and severe, so that it is interrupting every aspect of your life?

Loss is not something a person ever completely recovers from, but time typically tempers the intensity of grief. However, Good Therapy says that “complicated grief refers to a persistent form of bereavement that dominates a person’s life, interfering with daily functioning for an extended period of time.” If you are taking a long time to heal, it is best to see a therapist and be evaluated. Some of the symptoms of complicated grief are:

• Intense sadness
• Preoccupation with the deceased or with the circumstances surrounding the death
• Longing or yearning
• Feelings of emptiness or meaninglessness
• Difficulty engaging in happy memories
• Avoidance of reminders of the deceased
• Lack of desire in pursuing personal interests or plans
• Bitterness or anger

Just the Memories—Where to Take Your Grief

It is true that grief has no expiration date, but don’t you wish you could continue to remember your loved one without the heaviness in your heart? Don’t you wish you could find ways to see the many other sources of meaning in your life?

Remember that grief is natural and healthy, and so is recovering from it. The intensity of the pain should diminish in time, allowing you to remember your loved one with fondness. If your grief is holding you back from moving forward or making your life overly miserable, do something good for yourself—call Carolina Counseling Services — Pittsboro, NC.

Grief takes many shapes. There is no way to know how it will affect you until it happens. It can powerfully overwhelm you, taking over your life. If it does, know that you are not alone. Hold on. Call us. Carolina Counseling Services — Pittsboro, NC, is here. The right independently contracted therapist can help you work through your grief.

Related Articles:

• The First Steps to Overcoming Grief and Loss
• Living with Loss without the Grief
• Remembering Loss Without the Heaviness of Grief
• Positively Transforming Your Life After Grief and Loss