Beyond Family Love:
Handling Conflicts the Healthy Way
Handling Conflicts the Healthy Way
A family is composed of unique individuals with different personalities, ideas, opinions, and ways of doing things. It’s no wonder disagreements and conflicts arise from time to time. This is natural and to be expected, though it can feel overwhelming at times. This can be especially true if you are dealing with unresolved conflict.
Arguments and misunderstandings are inevitable in families, but the ways members choose to handle these conflicts can make a huge difference in maintaining healthy relationships with each other. Families who choose to peacefully resolve conflict are likely to grow closer as they learn how to take each other’s feelings into consideration. Knowing how to better manage family conflict can promote growth and cohesion.
The Start of Conflict in the Family
When two or more people with distinct personalities and ideas spend a lot of time together, you can expect some opposing thoughts to arise. This is part of the natural progression of any relationship. Comparing different viewpoints can be helpful for people to learn and grow, but only if they are presented in a healthy manner. Problems may arise when individuals get caught up in their egos and forget how to communicate effectively. If a conflict becomes a winner-takes-all battle, nobody wins.
In many cases, family members argue about something other than the real issue at hand. For example, teenagers may use everyday situations as ways to affirm their newfound independence. Parents react in anger or frustration, possibly feeling undermined or disrespected. This can lead to ongoing conflict where no one feels heard.
The same principle applies to other family relationships. The friction between parents and their child’s spouse can be a fight for control or due to a difficulty letting go. Spouses may fight for control when it comes to decision making in their relationship. Siblings may argue with each other due to unresolved conflict, difficult feelings or other deep seated concerns. As each of these relationships evolves, conflicts can intensify or they can become resolved. This all depends on how situations are addressed.
The Damaging Effects of Unresolved Conflict
Persistent conflict can strain your life, not just your relationships. Whether the issue is a minor one or a long-standing major dispute, it can compromise trust, especially if no apologies are given and no other form of resolution is reached. The presence of conflict may spawn resentment in other family members and cause them to take sides.
When conflicts are not resolved, negative feelings may build up. Even if members appear to have moved on and remain polite to each other, the pain and mistrust may still linger. At times, the effort to resolve conflicts may involve bringing up old hurts, which can backfire if the other party feels attacked all over again. On the other hand, avoiding the issue can harbor further resentment and hurt feelings.
Not surprisingly, chronic unresolved conflict is the leading cause of separation and/or divorce. It is also associated with emotional insecurity in children. Youngsters with parents in high-conflict marriages are more likely to experience behavioral and academic problems, depression and other mental health concerns, feelings of rejection, etc. On the other hand, parents who know how to handle conflict the healthy way are more likely to provide their children with positive relationships and healthier skills.
Where to Find Help
Resolving family conflict can be daunting considering the number of personalities involved. Oftentimes family therapy is needed to address what is impacting the entire family and offer a solution beneficial to all. It is a treatment option that meets the needs of each family member and can help you to find resolution.
If your family is experiencing unresolved conflict and it is negatively affecting your lives, you can see a counselor and learn to resolve it in a healthy way. At Carolina Counseling Services — Pittsboro, NC, one of the independently contracted counselors may be just who you are looking for. Call CCS today to schedule your first appointment.