Challenges of the Tween Years: Moving from Puberty to Adolescence
You may find yourself saying to your 10- to 12-year-old child, “You used to tell me everything.” You may wonder about how it came to be that so much has changed in your relationship with them. You may even blame yourself for not being good enough as a parent. Relax: the change is inevitable. It comes with puberty.
In child development, puberty is the early phase of adolescence, the stage when your child becomes an adult. It may come earlier than 10 or later than 12—there is no definite age when it starts or blends into adolescence. Rather, the stage is a passage that comes with a number of transitions and changes: biological, emotional, social, and cognitive.
Understanding Pre-Adolescent Changes
It is common knowledge that during adolescence, your child may transform into a person you hardly know. What you should prepare for early is the fact that those changes start during puberty. If you consider adolescence the “stormy stage,” brace up, because for some children in puberty, the “calm stage” can be equally challenging. To support them through this passage, it is important to understand the changes they are going through. Just “putting your foot down” without flexibility may not help.
- Physical Changes: The most significant sign that puberty has begun is physical changes triggered by shifting hormone levels. The most dramatic changes revolve around sexuality. The changes in their outward appearance and sexual characteristics may make them feel awkward, confused, self-conscious, and even ashamed, particularly when they are developing ahead of their peers.
They may develop issues as they become concerned about their sexuality, appearance, and body image. They may become unhappy with being too skinny, fat, short, dark, etc. and spend much time trying to improve their appearance and to be more like the people they think are perfect. It is common for children in the puberty stage to have unrealistic self-perception, which may make them frustrated and unhappy. Unguided, they can be at higher risk for unhealthy eating habits and risky behaviors, not to mention low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and other issues.
- Cognitive Changes: According to the U.S. Department of Education, children in puberty or on the verge of adolescence are thinking “in ways that are more advanced, more efficient, and generally more complex.” From this stage forward into adolescence, they start to think of possibilities and look beyond what is present or what is real. They will start to develop the ability to comprehend and appreciate higher-order cognition, and think more about “self.”
Their thinking can also become more multidimensional and absolute, rather than relative. Though healthy, all these can be misunderstood, particularly as the child will want to be more independent and regard your parenting as restrictive, imposing, or wrong. These changes can strain your relationship with your child. They can make you feel unappreciated, frustrated, and angry. They may also cause your child to grow distant if they do not understand your opinions and your restrictive rules or parenting style.
- Social Changes: Around this age, children become more sociable and want to spend more time with others their age. The amount of time they want to spend with friends will continue to increase from puberty to adolescence, as will their desire to “belong” and to be accepted. This makes their friends and peers very influential in most aspects of their life, rendering them vulnerable to peer pressure, low self-esteem, and many other issues.
It would be incorrect to say that family becomes less important to a child in the puberty stage, though you may get that impression from their behavior. Many children get lost in the process of balancing their desire to spend more time with friends against their parents’ rules, which often run counter to what they prefer to do. This conflict may change your relationship with your child, and they may grow secretive and aloof.
- Emotional Changes: Considering all the changes happening in your child’s body, mind, and relationships, who would not be confused, scared, or moody? They may be worried about matters that to you are immaterial, but for them can mean the world. They can be anxious about their self-perception, being accepted or bullied in school, and academic performance. They may also be worried about topics you may think are too “big” for them that sow seeds of fear in their young minds, such as climate change, hunger, or terrorism.
Wanting to have friends and be accepted will likely take center stage in your child’s life. They may want to do things they haven’t done before, such as joining the school soccer team, dance, or drama club, or dressing in fashionable clothes. As they become conscious of body image, they may worry about their looks and fashion trends. All these can make them vulnerable to eating and body image issues and poor self-esteem, which may contribute to mood swings or even anxiety and depression.
All of these changes are normal for any child entering puberty and moving into adolescence. Knowing that this may happen earlier than you expect can help you prepare for the changes and for your own transition as well. While many children make the transition unscathed without help, not all of them can do so. It is easy for them to be overwhelmed and confused. It is most important that you stay connected to your child at this stage and share their journey.
If your child is not letting you into their life, and you are concerned with some behaviors, staying connected and resolving the issues can be difficult. Cross the chasm or break the wall that separates you with the help of a caring counselor from Carolina Counseling Services – Pittsboro, NC. A counselor contracted with CCS can help you understand the challenges your child faces and help your child develop the skills necessary to manage them.
Helping your child will not be easy on your own. Take no chance when it comes to the emotional health and happiness of your child. You will find that talking to a caring and knowledgeable counselor from Carolina Counseling Services – Pittsboro, NC, can be very empowering. Do not leave your tween to navigate puberty alone. Be there for your child with the help of a counselor contracted with CCS.