No marriage is absolutely free from conflict, even the healthiest of relationships will experience disagreements. To avoid petty and frequent bickering, many married couples prefer to pay little or no attention to small grievances. While this may indeed reduce the number of arguments, there is a risk that small resentments will build up over time and eventually erupt.

What many couples do not realize is that major issues don’t generally come out of nowhere. In many cases, they are slowly built up through grating on each other’s nerves until problems begin to feel irreconcilable and overwhelming.

When Is It Time to Seek Counseling? 

Anything worth having is worth putting in the effort. The same can be said for your marriage. Marriage therapy (aka Couples Counseling) can be an effective way to address your concerns and find healthier ways to move forward together. So how do you know if it’s time? 

1. Your communication isn’t great. Communication is an essential element of all healthy relationships. It is how thoughts and feelings are shared and expressed. A relationship is only as healthy as your communication. While this is true, communicating effectively is challenging. A skilled therapist can help you and your partner to explore how you communicate and find ways to improve together. The Gottman Institute says “the first step to re-building your bond is intentionally communicating non-defensively and openly.” This can be complicated, when you find a therapist that is right for you, this can start to feel a bit easier. 
2. Unresolved conflicts haunt you. Arguing about past issues indicates that they have been left unresolved. “Small” issues become big over time if they are ignored and allowed to pile up. If you find that conflicts never seem to get resolved and keep coming up, therapy can help. A counselor can help you both to unpack what is going on and find healthy ways to resolve your concerns. 
3. Secret keeping. While marriage does not take away your individuality and right to privacy, purposely keeping things from your partner can be problematic. Over time this can cause doubt, loss of trust and even loss of respect. All of these things are needed for a healthy relationship. If you feel you cannot be honest and open with your spouse it may be time to seek a marriage counselor. 
4. Conflict is impacting intimacy in your relationship. The physical intimacy you share with your partner can be a wonderful expression of your love for each other. It is an important component of a romantic relationship. It can be difficult to want to be intimate if you are dealing with unresolved conflict and even resentment. If you find this is playing out in your relationship, marriage counseling can help. 
5. Conflict is impacting the way you live your life. When things aren’t going well with your spouse it can impact other areas of your life. It can be difficult to focus, sleep and function as you would like. If relationship conflict is impacting your mental health and/or functioning it is time to reach out for help. 

Finding the Right Therapist

Carolina Counseling Services believes that finding the right therapist shouldn’t be complicated. CCS in Pittsboro, North Carolina contracts with skilled licensed therapists who care. Call CCS today to schedule your first appointment!

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• Overwhelm: How to Avoid Marriage Meltdown
• Betrayal in Marriage | Starting Over
• Resilient Marriage: Happy under One Roof
• Toward An Enduring Marriage