When to Seek Marriage Counseling: Now Could be the Time
No marriage is absolutely free from conflict, even the most devoted ones. To avoid petty and frequent bickering, many married couples prefer to pay little or no attention to small issues. While this may indeed reduce the number of arguments, there is a risk that small resentments will build up over time into major discord.
What many couples do not realize is that major issues do not just instantly appear in a relationship. In many cases, they are slowly built up through grating on each other’s nerves until the problems become irreconcilable and the foundation of the marriage—love, respect, and trust—breaks down.
If you think your differences and disagreements are petty, think again. Do you really think those trivial issues will stay minor in the years to come? Do you prefer to keep your marital concerns between you two? Aren’t you worried about your marriage becoming a divorce statistic?
Conflict can steal your happiness, but not without warning. If your marriage means a lot to you, waiting is not an option. Marriage counseling is a proactive way to sort out and resolve your issues before they become overwhelming. Here are some of the pressing signs that you need the help of a marriage counselor:
Sign 1: Your communication lines have broken down.
Communication is an essential element of all healthy relationships. It is how thoughts and feelings are shared and expressed between couples. No marriage can succeed for long without effective communication. If the lines of communication between you have broken down and talking always ends in shouting, use of abusive language, or fear, a neutral marriage counselor can help.
Talking is the first step in clarifying, sorting out, and resolving issues. If you can’t talk without feeling angry, frustrated, hurt, or scared, it is time to seek help from a marriage counselor. A marriage counselor can show you how to have a healthy discussion that will help unravel your feelings without compromising trust and respect.
Sign 2: Past unresolved issues haunt you.
Arguing about past issues indicates that they have been left unresolved. Many such small issues may come back powerfully after they have been aggravated by other concerns. There may also be major unresolved problems that you would rather bury because they are painful or traumatic. However they started, it is important to work toward their resolution so you can move on.
When you find it difficult to “forgive and forget,” it is a sign that you need help. A counselor can help you reprocess the issue to see it in a different light or transform the experience into a positive force. As resurfacing past issues can be painful, a counselor can help you understand your emotions and make the process constructive.
Sign 3: You keep secrets from each other.
While marriage does not take away your individuality, vital information that affects both of you or your family should not be kept private. When information with value to the family or spouse is deliberately kept secret, it can be interpreted as malicious. As such, it can sow seeds of doubt, corroding trust and respect—two vital ingredients of a loving, peaceful marriage.
Purposely keeping information secret that can hurt or offend your spouse or family can be taken as a sign that you need help. If it is troubling you, that means it is a delicate matter that may lead to serious complications, and you should seek help from a counselor.
Sign 4: Your conflicts have affected your intimacy.
The physical intimacy you share with your spouse is a wonderful expression of your love for each other. It is an important component of love and marriage. Thus, losing interest in sharing those moments can mean more than its face value as a physical satiation of a physical need. It can mean you are feeling negative emotions—anger, frustration, even hate. It can mean the loss of affection. It may also mean your interest has shifted to another passion.
Since intimacy is also a form of communication that can help bridge misunderstanding or transcend differences, seek help when you notice a change. Remember, only a serious problem can do this to your marriage.
Sign 5: Your clashes have greatly affected your family.
You may want to resolve your conflicts with your wife or husband and bring back those happy, romantic old days for your own sakes. If you have children, however, they are a part of your little world and it is just as important that you give them a happy family environment.
Countless children of unhappy or broken homes have developed personal issues due to not having a sound family to support them. Your children may suffer emotional and behavioral consequences when the atmosphere in your home becomes negative. If your conflicts have escalated to the extent that your home is not peaceful, it is in everyone’s best interest to seek help from a counselor right away.
Sign 6: Your love is still strong and you want to stay happy together.
Being in love is glorious, but keeping a marriage happy, strong, and fulfilling requires more than love. Realistically, even great marriages face trials. Not all of them can survive the “lemons” that life may throw at them. To survive the tough challenges ahead, you need to be proactive. In marriage, being proactive means working on concerns before they build up into major issues, consuming your union. That is how marriage counseling works.
Marriage counseling can help you stay loving, strong, and committed as individuals and make your marriage more resilient. It isn’t just for marriages on the rocks: it is for all couples, including those who are bound by love and want to stay happily married.
Take Action with the Right Marriage Counselor
Living with another person who has different personal philosophies, standards, beliefs, and history can be difficult, but it is not hopeless. It is true that differences may breed conflicts. According to Healthy Place, however, “Those differences don’t necessarily mean your relationship is bound for conflict. To the contrary, differences can be complementary … These differences can also help people understand, respect and accept opposing views and cultures.”
The key is to transform those differences into positive opportunities or motivators. If you do not know how, a counselor independently contracted with Carolina Counseling Services in Pittsboro, NC, can help. If any of these six signs is present in your marriage, call us now, before things get ugly or painful. While patience is a virtue, waiting may not be prudent in this case. If you live in Pittsboro, NC, help is not far: Carolina Counseling Services is just in the neighborhood.
You may worry about the expense of counseling. Is marriage counseling covered by your insurance? If you have insurance, it may be covered under “family counseling,” particularly when you have emotional symptoms that meet the criteria for a DSM-5 diagnosis. If you need more information about this or anything else related to marriage counseling, call us. Start counseling now and be proactive to strengthen your marriage.