When Your Child Acts Out At School
It isn’t unusual for children, especially younger ones, to act out at school when they are excited or anxious. Usually, acting out is triggered by a strong emotion that a child has difficulty understanding and manifests through negative behavior, such as disruptive talking during class, name-calling on the schoolyard, or being aggressive with other children.
If such behavior persists over months, it must not be ignored or taken lightly, as it can hurt your child’s functioning academically and socially. It can also worry and stress you and your family. Helping your child can be extremely challenging, particularly when the behavior is triggered by reasons you don’t fully comprehend or when your discipline or parenting strategies seem not to be working. What else can be done? Consider seeking professional help—the sooner the better.
Understanding “Acting Out”
For the sake of your child and for proper help, it is important to understand what’s making them behave in the way they do. According to Andrea Mathews of Psychology Today, the term “acting out” was coined sometime in the ‘80s and was applied to children misbehaving in school. She said that it means outwardly expressing what is felt inside or “acting … from (the) inside out.” Healthline says that “a child is ‘acting out’ when they exhibit unrestrained and improper actions … fighting, throwing fits, stealing, or antisocial behavior” and that “if behavior lasts longer than 6 months, you should consult a healthcare professional.”
So, what’s behind the behavior? Healthline says that there are usually psychological or emotional factors that trigger acting out. They are often complicated, which is why professional help must be sought to promptly address the behavior and the child’s overwhelming emotions. Some of the triggering issues that may cause a child to act out include “attention issues, desire for power and personality disorders” or emotional conditions such as ADHD, ODD, depression, bipolar disorder, and anxiety.
For instance, children with ADHD, which affects about 10 percent of school children, “act without thinking, are hyperactive, and have trouble focusing” because of their tendencies to be impulsive and inattentive. “They may understand what’s expected of them but have trouble following through because they can’t sit still, pay attention, or focus on details.” With therapy, they can learn to effectively live with the symptoms and manage them.
Holding the Tension
Swiss psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung, the founder of analytical psychology, coined the phrase “holding the tension.” It refers to the human ability to “suspend action” despite a motivation, or even when there is an internal clamor or desire to do a certain action. Obviously, a child who has the tendency to act out has a poor ability to hold their tension. It is something that they need to develop or reinforce to be able to survive their own stressful environment. This is how therapy can help.
When a situation or trigger gets on a child’s nerves, they may respond to it without thinking. This is common among young children. The ability to rein in strong emotions is something they develop as they grow older. When they resort to anger, meltdown, or another uncontrolled expression of strong emotion, it is important to pay attention to what’s triggering it. There could be something else there that you need to know and understand. On your own, you may find it difficult to help your child learn to manage feelings. A therapist can help unlock their thoughts and feelings and help them “hold their tension”.
Caring for a child who has the tendency to act out can challenge you as well. On your end, you may be frequently provoked to lose your temper. To help your child cope with the symptoms of an emotional condition, you must learn appropriate parenting strategies for your child’s needs. With the aid of a therapist, you and your child can better survive the stressful environment that acting out creates.
Encouraging Change and Undoing the Label
Your child who often acts out may be negatively labeled as a troublemaker, and this label can be difficult to lose once it has been “earned.” This is why seeking help early from a therapist like those independently contracted with Carolina Counseling Services — Pittsboro, NC, is critical.
While this labeling isn’t healthy for your child, it may be beyond your control. You do have the power to encourage change in your child who acts out and help them undo the label by courageously seeking therapy. A therapist can unravel the reasons for your child’s acting out. They can encourage change by helping you provide the critical encouragements and motivations using appropriate parenting techniques. They can guide your child in managing their responses to improve their ability to hold the tension.
Help your acting-out child to start off on the right foot. If your child often acts out at home, seek help early. If you are often summoned to school because of your child’s behavioral issues, it is a sign that you should not ignore. Acting out could be your child’s silent plea for help. Don’t ignore it—call us. Carolina Counseling Services — Pittsboro, NC, is here to help you and your child.