Resilient Marriage:
Happy under One Roof
Happy under One Roof
What could be more perfect for a loving couple than happily sleeping together night after night under one roof and happily waking up in each other’s arms? Unfortunately, it takes more than love to keep couples together for the rest of their lives. In truth, many challenges can threaten the stability of even the most blissful unions. To pass the trials and survive the challenges, love is important, but it often does not resolve everything.
Enduring the years together is an accomplishment in itself, and remaining happy as a couple is phenomenal. Like every loving couple, you want your marriage to happily endure, but how? Why not start with counseling? It is a proactive strategy that can prevent small concerns from marring your happy, enduring marriage.
Your Marriage’s Future: The Predictors
Divorce is common in America. Social scientists, such as John Gottman, Nell Jacobson, Benjamin Karny, and Thomas Bradbury, have done research and concluded that “the best predictors of divorce are interactive difficulties, such as frequent expressions of antagonism, lack of respect for each other’s ideas and similar interpersonal issues.”
According to Ted Huston, PhD, of the University of Texas at Austin, however, this conclusion was drawn because the couples used in their studies were long married, already embroiled in conflicts, and already on the verge of getting divorced. In his 1994 study, Huston used subjects in the courting stage or in the early years of marriage. He made some surprising discoveries.
Love Plus
If you and your spouse started very much in love with each other, you are likely to think that you have the strongest foundation to weather all storms that may come your way and endure the years together. This isn’t wrong, but it also isn’t completely right. Huston has made some interesting discoveries in his research.
First, “many newlyweds are far from blissfully in love.” And second, “couples whose marriages begin in romantic bliss are particularly divorce-prone because such intensity is too hard to maintain.” These observations indicate that a marriage can be affected by conflict even in its early, passionate stage. In addition, the more romantic the relationship is, the more vulnerable it seems to conflicts and issues, because the expectations are higher.
Interestingly, less romantic couples have been observed to have more promising futures—lackluster perhaps, but resilient and less prone to divorce. Huston’s last important finding is that “it is the loss of love and affection, not the emergence of interpersonal issues that sends couples journeying toward divorce.” Nevertheless, it cannot be denied that conflicts and interpersonal issues can trigger arguments, animosities, and negative feelings—anger, frustration, etc.—that can eventually erode love and affection.
Helping Love Endure, Happily
Making a marriage endure is already a tall order; it is doubly challenging for it to be happy as well. If love isn’t enough to make your marriage endure, what is? There is really no fixed set of rules to follow that will warrant a successful, happy marriage. Social scientists are still studying what makes a marriage work and what can make it last. Different experts have varying views about love and marriage. It is commonly agreed, though, that love isn’t the “be-all and end-all” of a marriage. A good marriage needs other foundational elements, such as trust and respect.
Dr. Rob Scuka says, “The first insight is that a lasting marriage requires trust.” Thus, you must guard it well, with seriousness. He acknowledges that love is important. For it to be an essential element of a happy, enduring marriage, however, it has to flourish with the use of relationship skills that can be learned in marriage education and/or counseling.
For Dr. Wayde Goodall, healthy marriages begin with commitment, communication, and conflict management. Commitment is what sets your mind to the idea of permanence, so you do what it takes because love isn’t just a feeling, but a commitment. Maintaining good communication is vital in any relationship: it can help you promote positivity in your relationship while clarifying and resolving your misunderstandings. With effective communication, you can manage your conflicts. Remember, it pays to be proactive to keep your marriage healthy, rather than waiting for small concerns to become major issues.
Keeping Your Marriage Healthy
Love can bloom between two hearts, if they are meant to be together, without much help. When it comes to marriage, however, you have a stronger chance of making it happy and enduring with work. Help from a marriage counselor you trust is also a big booster. You can meet the right counselor for you if you call Carolina Counseling Services – Pittsboro, NC, for an appointment.
Love is a big factor in a happy marriage: if you love your spouse, you have all the more reason to make it last. Counseling is proactive. It not only addresses and helps resolve your important concerns, but can also make you see a lot of things in a new light, so your differences can inspire you both.