Are There Warning Signs
That A Marriage is in Trouble?
That A Marriage is in Trouble?
Cultivating and maintaining a healthy marriage can be challenging. Staying together through the years can be an accomplishment in itself, remaining happy as a couple can be even more difficult. It takes effort to maintain a healthy and happy relationship, though you may be at a loss as to how to do this. You aren’t alone. Many struggle to find the time and skills necessary to maintain a happy, healthy marriage. Couples Counseling can help.
Your Marriage’s Future: The Predictors
Divorce is common in America. Social scientists, such as John Gottman, Nell Jacobson, Benjamin Karny, and Thomas Bradbury, have done research and concluded that “the best predictors of divorce are interactive difficulties, such as frequent expressions of antagonism, lack of respect for each other’s ideas and similar interpersonal issues.”
While divorce may be common, it isn’t an inevitability. If you begin to experience warning signs in your marriage, you can reach out for help. The Gottman Institute cites four red flags that can indicate that your marriage may be in jeopardy.
The Four Horsemen
The Gottman Institute identifies the following Four Horsemen that can signal trouble in your relationship:
1. Criticism: You will not ALWAYS be happy with your partner. It is important that you are able to express how you feel and voice complaints. Criticisms take it a step further and can be more of an attack on your partner’s character than voicing a desire for change. An example of a criticism is “You are selfish and rude when you don’t let me know you have plans with your friends”. A complaint might sound more like “I feel left out when you don’t inform me of your plans, I need you to work on that”.
2. Contempt: This happens when you and your partner are unkind to each other, being outwardly disrespectful, mocking or downright mean. This can wreak havoc on your relationship. This can go far beyond criticism. You won’t always be happy with your partner, but disrespect is never acceptable.
3. Defensiveness: Everyone feels defensive from time to time, but when this happens often in your relationship it can become toxic. If you are feeling accused or attacked you may go on the offensive which can create an unhealthy dynamic in your relationship.
4. Stonewalling: This occurs when one (or both of you) shuts down in an interaction or simply doesn’t engage. This can happen in response to the other horsemen becoming so overwhelming there doesn’t seem to be any other option. It is impossible for healthy communication to happen when there is stonewalling.
All is Not Lost
If you notice any of these warning signs in your relationship, you aren’t alone. Marriage counseling can help. When you find a therapist that is right for you and your partner you can begin to take a look at what isn’t working for you and find what will.
Carolina Counseling Services in Pittsboro contracts with skilled, licensed therapists. Call CCS today to schedule your first appointment.